As I was cleaning, I found it. I wrote it three years ago, yet I teared up as I read it, again, feeling like it’s still my anthem! I remember, at the time, the stuff with my health felt weighty, and the Spirit moved me to write. There were a handful of times I’d write a song, in high school and beyond, in order to connect how I was feeling with Truth in my soul. I’m not big on “journaling,” but song writing? That was an easier way for me to process things and express my heart in a way I didn’t feel I could otherwise. I know the Spirit was leading, as it didn’t take long at all to put words to paper; they just flowed. I remember doing a couple edits, but they were few. This is the song the Spirit led me to write, and my soul sings today:
I stood there and listened to voices around Tears down my face; I could not make a sound There once was a day when my voice filled the skies Now, hearing my "voice" brings tears to my eyes But I will sing With all I have to give My praise will ring Through this life You gave to live My heart lays down Every pain that I bear And You, my God, You always meet me there I will sing! The list of afflictions just keeps getting longer But I walk in Your strength; my soul just gets stronger How will I now serve you? I'm so limited I still have a purpose in Your Word, I have read I'm no longer able to do what I used to But I trust You to lead me wherever You choose And I will sing With all I have to give My praise will ring Through this life You gave to live My heart lays down Every pain that I bear And You, my God, You always meet me there I will sing! My struggles have purpose I grow to know You more You reveal more of You It's You I adore! May my life tell Your story Let Your faithfulness ring No matter my path Your name I will sing! So, I sing With all I have to give My praises ring Through this life You gave to live My heart lays down Every pain that I bear And You, my God, You always meet me here I sing! Oh, I sing With the deep part of my soul I sing To the One Who makes me whole ~ Penned on 9.28.19
My health issues started with severe migraines. They affected my ability to work and function for a number of years before I started getting a glitch in my voice. I was eventually diagnosed with spasmodic dysphonia, which is a neurological disorder, and mine manifested itself in my vocal cords. It got increasingly worse until, when I was pregnant with my son, it sounded like someone was strangling my vocal cords. I could hardly talk, let alone sing. It was exhausting for me to try to push air into my vocal cords to produce more than a few words. My husband would order for me, if we went out to eat (talking over background noise was extremely taxing). I was a technical recruiter at the time, and some candidates would answer their phone; hear my voice; and unknowingly respond rudely to what they thought was a prank call. I had to explain that it wasn’t a prank; I was calling them about a particular job or the resume they’d sent me (backpedaling heard here…). When I talked to someone face-to-face, I learned to look them in the eye and keep my entire face directed at theirs, so they could read my lips. Even at that, my husband did a lot of interpreting for me; bless him!
I remember one Sunday, I was standing among the congregation in church, where I’d previously sung up front numerous times, in a variety of capacities. At that moment, nothing would come out, no matter how hard I tried. Tears began streaming down my face. I SO wanted to sing! It was then that the Spirit explained to me that I WAS! He didn’t need my words in that moment; He was listening to my heart, and it WAS singing! It was through this agony that He was teaching me more about true worship.
Oh sweet Lady! As I read this song, I hear your heart overflowing. Once again, you challenge me to dig deeper, to open my heart to what He asks of me. Thank you for the humble sharing of your story.
I’m praising the LORD…that He used my story to speak…that He orchestrated my cleaning a tote that contained the papers with this song…that He gave me this platform to share and instructed me to do it today! Thank you, as always, for your faithful friendship and encouragement, as you continue with me on this journey!! Praying for you, as you hear His voice and direction.